You fucked me up

your under my skin

you make me insane

you make me hate myself

you won’t leave me alone

you always show up to hurt me just when I think I’m going to be okay

you lie and say you care about me

you rub shit in my face

you fuck with my head

just tell me you hate me and go have fun with Mr. right and leave me the fuck alone.

I fuckin’ love offermoords’ work

My ex called as she always does for whatever reason, I asked her why the hell she even wanted to talk to me, she stated “do you think I would just throw away everything we did together?”

You already threw away everything we did together a long time ago.. That’s what fucking breaking up is.

I was thinking I shouldn’t even make a post about this but… fuck it, it’s part of my life so here it goes. ehhh where to begin??

So, back in my high school days I was always a total depressive loner, I had one or two friends.  I definitely had a lot of hatred for myself back then, which still lingers.  I would pretend I was someone I wasn’t because I hated myself so much.  Buuuuut anywhooo, this all began the summer before senior year.  Definitely a rough summer for me, I was still depressed and alone so my summers normally consisted of playing lots of video games and drawing. Which I guess was okay, but what happened that summer changed my life forever.  I had always lived with my grandparents, they were basically my parents, they raised me and my two siblings, and that summer my grandmother was hospitalized and later passed away.  Less than a month before school was to be back in session, I had lost my mother who I never really got to tell how much she meant to me.

The following month school started up, I was a mess but somehow dragged myself out of bed everyday to go to this shitty daycare.  I hung out with the usual jackasses, but, within a few weeks I would say about September 6th this girl sat in front of me in English class.  I never even knew she was in the class or anything and there she was. she turned around and talked to me, and my friend the little asian boy.  We had a group project to make a super hero and I came up with the “super mailman, who delivers justice”, I guess I’m a silly fuck.  We had a great time and I thought she was so beautiful my silly ass fell in love from day one.  I asked her to come eat lunch with us, thinking she would never do it, but surely enough after about half of lunch was over she came goofily smiling and giggling over to me and my friends.

Later we went to a movie together along with my great friend Christian, I don’t remember which movie, but I know it was a shitty one because we have a tendency to watch shitty movies. We than went to the park the three of us, sitting in the grass christian went home feeling like a third wheel. Than it was just the two of us and we went to a little bench and some crazy fuck on a moped started talking to us about how great his moped was and how his lady was gonna kick his ass because he was late or something, I think he was certainly on drugs.  After he was gone however I asked her to be my girlfriend and that was that.

Later on in the relationship, she told me she was bulimic and she cut herself often, and a lot of problems in her past.  This was very overwhelming to me being my first relationship but I wanted to work things out and help her through those things because I was so dumbly in love.  Later on however she found out who I really was (remember I pretended to be someone else out of the hatred of myself throughout high school).. really all I did was lie about my race, kinda silly right? but she never let this shit go.

Throughout the relationship I was always there for her helping her out with her issues while working through my own, I really treated her like a queen, she was a pescatarian or however you spell that shit, I would always take her out to eat and spend all my money on her just to spend time with her.  I never argued with her, even though she was very ridiculous at times, letting a whole night be ruined by me joking about something that she didn’t find funny or something. I wouldn’t argue though I just apologized and tried to cheer her up, because I just wanted to have fun with her.  She always let shit bother her way too much.  She was very clingy and 6 months or something into the relationship I broke up with her to get some space.  I quickly realized it was a huge mistake (or so I thought at the time)  and took her back within a week, another thing she said she forgave me for but never fucking let go… If your going to forgive someone you need to be willing to move on.. I never held shit against her but whatever. Other than those two mistakes, I mean I don’t want to say I was a perfect boyfriend, but everyone I talk to certainly thinks so.

I drew her a portrait of us on Christmas (which she probably through away). and than this is when shit went crazy.. Valentines day rolled around, I felt bad about what I got her for Christmas wasn’t enough or something because she really didn’t appreciate it, she mentioned something about wanting jewelry or some shit. so on Valentines day I go all out, I bought her a 200 dollar necklace with insurance that cost 60.  Took me weeks to pick it out I got a color that matched her eyes. She never even wore it once, she probably fucking threw that away too. Also I bought her flowers and an expensive buffet, so flowers, gifts, fancy dinner, the fuckin works right? I thought everything was great, had an awesome time the relationship was going really well.

THE VERY NEXT FUCKING DAY… She tells me there’s someone else and breaks up with me. Some stupid fag from the electronics store she worked at.  Ever since she started working there she changed, I guess from all the fucking nerds drooling over her, she got higher self esteem so thought she could get someone more attractive.. Anyway so she has a two week official relationship with this fuck, than breaks up with him and goes with some other asshole from the store… Talk about a fucking emotional ass-whooping for me right?  So after a year and a half, of being this girls fucking servant and treating her like royalty I get cheated on after spending my whole paycheck on her for valentines day… All I can say is I guess I was too fuckin nice, or maybe just too fucking ugly.